Whilst the Poms were saved by Manchester showers
there has been no shortage of hours
devoted to cricket’s latest mess
the TV promoted DRS.
It was hailed to protect the batting trier
from the trigger happy, fast-fingered umpire.
The blind and deaf aging despot
would now be corrected by the clever hot spot.
The evidence gathered from a rapid inspection
would be cross-checked from every direction.
In ultra-slow-mo, from side and back,
from stump cam and a digitally enhanced sound track.
All this done to stop the cheating prowler
and save the innocent from a dreadful howler.
Technology to make the umpires fat,
while the players just go out, to bowl and bat.
But watching the Ashes, the sports mighty pinnacle
it can’t help but make you somewhat cynical
because as more of the techo stuff is switched on
then the more the umps get their decisions wrong.
When Khawaja was out in the Old Trafford arena
I yelled abuse at Dharmasena
and Kevin Pietersen was convicted on air
but he’s a Pom so really, does anyone care.
But just as the players start claiming rot
and the Channel 9 technicians are placed on the spot
out come the claims to be used as bet hedges
that Clarkey and others are taping their edges.
Silicone tape to mask the faint snicks
To silence the hot spot and slight touches to fix.
But Mr Reporter, would you mind if I trouble you?
What happens to the inside-edged lbw?
Well if facing Test bowling wasn’t enough
Now batsmen roll the dice with this techno stuff
Add dry wickets and wet weather all getting inta ya
And how nice it must be, to be a batsman from India.
You’d think after months of saying their team’s bad
That five hundred runs would have made the media glad.
I’ve had DRS and the doom sayers can stick it …
Would anyone mind if we got back to the cricket?